The Shape of Things to Come

No that is not in reference to a baby growing in my belly.  I am not pregnant.  I am overflowing with things to tell you (I still haven't shown you all of the pictures from Lauren's Birthday party!) but I am trying to figure out what to do with this blog and my writing in general.  I have thoughts and plans that were supposed to be developed by now.  I want to write for real but I'm not brave enough to go out on that limb right now.

Last week, my friend Blogger.com hit me with a notice that I am over my limit on photos and I need to buy more storage?  That's why the post last week didn't have any pictures.  Grrr. 

Is someone trying to tell me something (drop an anvil on my head)?  The simple answer is yes, the longer answer is that I am in no mood to listen.  That's the honest truth, I don't want to walk down that path because it is scary. 

This feels like an indictment of my faith.  I don't want to be uncomfortable, I don't want to be vulnerable.  I want the safe bet, so I do nothing.

My life is full.  I want for nothing.  But there is something bigger I have been called to do.  I'm going to go try and figure it out. 

Thanks for everything

I have been deep in whatever it is that I do and haven't been on the laptop in days.  I wrote this post last Sunday early in the morning.  It seemed like a good idea to post it now (or never).  Happy Thanksgiving.

For as long as I can remember, the power of the written word has always surpassed the spoken word.  I enjoy writing and I love reading.  As a mom, I find comfort in expressing my ideas and struggles and thoughts and ramblings here and in my other daily writing.  I have also spent a lot of timing stumbling onto other moms who use writing as an outlet and support tool.  One of my favorites is Rachel at finding joy ,  she is lovely and encouraging.  Today she framed gratitude as a choice, a powerful concept that is not easily implemented especially in the throws of parenting.  Her challenge was to write down ten things that you are grateful for.  I've been throwing a few things out her and there for you but here is my list.

Giving. 
True statement, I don't really like to get gifts.   Now wait.  I love things, I want lots of things but I'm not very good at receiving gifts.  giving is always a more blessed way to live.  I love this time of the year because there are so many different ways to give.  With Junior League programs, community and church projects, a helping hand, and of course gifts.  I am trying to seize more opportunities to give to those around me.  Even just a simple note of encouragement.  When was the last time someone sent you a "Thinking About You" card (NOT A FACEBOOK POST), a real card in the mail.  More of you and less of me actually gives more to me. 

My Starbucks Mug.  
This mug is with me 7 days a week, sometimes all day long.  I have been known to rinse it out after a long day of drinking coffee and fill it with red wine.  My mug is versatile like that.  I tease my kids about their comfort items but don't we all have and need our comfort items? 

Family support.
My kids were at my parents house ALL DAY yesterday.  With that kind of support I could be with friends all morning at our Annual Pinterest Party (more on that in another post), run errands alone, and take Keith to a party without interference.  My life isn't hard but family support makes it MUCH easier.

Laughter.
Laughing hard.  I laughed hard at Sy eating poop on Duck Dynasty (3x).  I laughed really hard with my friends at the Pinterest party.  But I laughed even harder at Keith, "MOM LOOK AT THE CRACKHEAD!"  That's a nutcracker to everyone else.

Priorities.
Kevin is my on-going example of putting first things first.  In a society that revolves around instant gratification and ME, he shows us everyday that his world revolves around his wife and his kids.  He tells us and shows us the depth of his love every day.  Raising these kids to be incredible human beings is a full-time gig, everything else falls away.

Chores
So much of mothering and homekeeping is a "rinse, lather, repeat" process.  Having kids who understand and can do chores brings me such joy.  Up until last week their participation in chores was less helpful and more obligatory (on my part).  I would prefer to do it myself and not have to deal with the way the kids do it.  But my boys are finally helping with chores that I can appreciate.  Drying dishes!  YAY! Unloading the dishwasher! YAY!  I just found 8 more minutes in my day.

Time
Speaking of which..... as many times as I have to repeat myself and keep my toddler from destroying the pantry/bathroom/garage/office, I can't rescue this time.  Minutes to read to Keith, minutes to snuggle with Patrick before lights out, minutes to create a comfortable home, minutes to cook, minutes to plan, minutes to choose.

Appliance locks.
We have had the same refrigerator since Patrick was a baby.  I don't remember having to lock the refrigerator buttons with either of the boys.  "Lauren, please don't push my buttons" is a standard refrain at my house.

Health.
If my chief complaint is boogers and kids coughing in my face, I count myself lucky.  A week of colds is tiring but as far as illness goes, we have been sheltered from major ailments.  

The Cosby Show.
Last month I started to record "The Cosby Show" for the kids.  We watch an episode (or two or three) every night.  We laugh at the stories, we talk about the lessons, and we repeat the funny lines again and again.  Even now if I say "Justine" both boys will start singing "JUSTINE!  JUSTINE!"  Good times.

Kindle Cuddles.

Kindle cuddles on a chilly fall Sunday.  A slow and quiet Sunday (at least for a few hours) allows this mama to cuddle on the couch with Patrick, blankets, and Kindles.  The house wasn't clean, the laundry wasn't done, projects weren't completed.... All the more reason to take a few minutes to cuddle and read.  I am SO thankful for these minutes.

Over-employed

Today I taught Lauren the sign for work.

Source:Lifeprint.com

Lauren doesn't say much but she does say, "Where Dada? He gone."  This morning, after working  many days without a day off, Kevin overslept.  Going between night shift and day shift, some days without an actual break in between (that's 24 hour shifts), and today was the first day he overslept.  I doubt he was late to work, he just got there 20 minutes later than his regular early time.  

So the kids saw Kevin this morning for a few minutes (which is unusual) and then Lauren started with the question.  She thinks she's funny so at first she was pretending that he was sleeping, shushing her brothers.  "Where Dada?  SHSHSHSHSH!"  But she's a quick study and I don't know why I hadn't taught her the sign before (except that I am pretty slow on the uptake).

I am so grateful that Kevin is over-employed and happy to take care of and provide for his family.  If hard work was easy, they would call it easy work.  We make lots of sacrifices and we will reap the benefits at some point.  Until then the limited time we have together is cherished.  We are blessed.

Everyday

Growing up is about moments.  Knitted together the moments make memories and a childhood.  This morning we had an extra 12 minutes before we needed to leave for school.  Instead of begging to turn on the TV, the kids played with dominoes.  I didn't demand that they played nicely together, they just did.

 Last night, our night lacked the sunshine and roses.  Kevin left for work and I was on my own.  One kid flooded the bathroom.  Another sneezed right in my open mouth.  Another seemed to be unable to complete a task without arguing with someone.  My throat hurt from yelling (Bad mommy).

 When they aren't fighting over whose turn it is to breathe. Or who sat in the chair first.  Or what day it is.  When I stop and take a look, discarding the list, allowing for imperfection.

Then we have moments of peace.  Just simple, boring, happy peace.  And I will always be thankful for that.

Pinterest Fail (yeah thanks.)

I'm thankful for failure.  Humbling failure.  There is nothing like failure to remind you that easy things aren't always easy.  I have a way of underestimating the skill, time, and resources needed for a project.  Failure (if you are really willing to look at it, square in its ugly face) also acts as a cautionary tale, a guideline for how not to do it. 

I'm not always willing to stare at my failure and analyze my missteps.  I would prefer to keep moving forward, no looking back. My recent Pinterest Fail I threw in the garbage and didn't tell anyone.  I was trying to make the cute DIY tank top from an old t-shirt (Source: Rabbit Food For My Bunny Teeth). 

Cute right?  That's not the one I made.  The one I made and put in the garbage can looked like a mock turtleneck.  I'm the only person in the world who sets out to make a cute tank from a t-shirt and manages to make a (lopsided) turtleneck.  FAIL.

I never examined the reason I failed at that Pinterest project.  Maybe I wouldn't have failed again if I had actually considered why my tank top failed.  But I didn't, so when I set out to make these pretty yarn balls (Source: Hostess with the Mostess) for my mother-in-law's birthday party.....

I ended up with this utter failure!

During the 24-hour drying period my balloons exploded at random intervals.  Do you know what happens when a balloon covered with glue and gunk explodes?  It sounds like a gunshot AND the gunk tends to fly all over the place.  Thank goodness I read the instructions and set the project up outside!  That was about the only thing I did right.  

I overinflated the balloons so the stress and weight of the yarn and gunk was too much.  I also attempted to accomplish this project while dealing with my littles.  Parenting with your hands covered in glue and yarn isn't really parenting.  It's screaming from the garage and then running down the street trying to grab your child without  using your hands. * parenting fail and crafting fail.  

The balloons didn't start popping until later that night.  And I just laughed.  There was nothing to do but laugh.  It was a ridiculous failure and I owned it.  I knew I had messed up.  I texted my sister-in-law and she laughed too.

This is me.  Perfectly imperfect and grateful for that.

Keith's Laugh

I am so thankful for people who remind me how awesome my kid is and what a wonderfully intoxicating laugh he has.  He laughs and you can't help but smile and laugh too.  I've been in the classroom and seen a room full of kids fall out because Keith started laughing.  He's not laughing in this picture, he's totally pouting.  He's pouting in the way that only he can pout.

Mom, you made me the middle child because you love me the most?

I agreed before I really understood his question.  Keith, our middle child.... sigh.  He needs to be loved in a whole different way.  I'm not always good at it.  I'm tired and can't field another question or listen to another argument.  I beg for quiet and get a tidal wave of noise in return.

Mom, there are cross-country kids. They go across the whole country and back.

And I create my own noise.  I ask him to make his bed three times and the fourth request is a (loud) command and he still doesn't do it.  I give him complicated instructions and wonder why he doesn't complete a task.  My voice is white noise. My voice is mostly ignored for his flights of fancy.

Mom, I was laying in bed, did you hear me talking to myself.  I made a really good "ch" sound CH-CH-CH-CH-CH

People wonder how he is doing in school and I totally get what they are really saying.  There were moments this summer when  we wondered how Keith would possibly survive Kindergarten.  He's surviving, he's thriving.  He holds on for 3 and a half hours and reserves his worst for me.  But I get his best too.  I'm his soft place to land, his respite after a long day, his scratching post, his book buddy, his mom.  We unwind and laugh and dance and sing.  I slow down and stare into the eyes of the baby boy in the pictures on my wall.  Yesterday I was ready to give him away, today I will keep him.  He is a part of me, the laughter of my heart and for that I am thankful.

Halloween Wrap Up

 For the first day of November and the first day of a month of thankfulness, I am thankful that Halloween is over.  I know, I have certainly said it before... not my favorite holiday.  Halloween is a special annoyance when it falls on a Wednesday.  Who planned that? 

I do try to get in the spirit for my kids because they love Halloween. We started on Tuesday with a trip to the pumpkin patch with a hundred or so kindergarteners.

 Keith's first field trip!  They got to ride on the bus and pick a pumpkin right out of the patch.  And there were port-a-potties!  Plus it was blazing hot and dusty!  I jest (sarcastically) it really was a good time.

Just to show you that I'm not the Grinch who Stole Halloween, I even made my kids a special Halloween breakfast.  I didn't do anything else on my Halloween Pinterest board but I did this:



The rant continues....I dislike Halloween costumes.  They are cheaply made, but WAY overpriced.  If you have to do more than trick or treat, most costumes fall apart. 

 Patrick makes up his mind about his costume the year before.  In fact, we even bought his costume last year!  Keith wants to be every ridiculous thing under the sun.  It changes daily in the months leading up to Halloween.  So!  When I asked him to pick his costume at 8:30 in the morning, I thought we would have enough time to sort it all out before the Halloween party at 11:00.  If Aunt Rachel hadn't come to the rescue, Keith and I would still be arguing about the costume.  Keith was rocking the best costume ever.  And it was super durable too!

 Keith and his buddies at school. 

 The double bonus was that my pumpkin patch entry fee came with a pumpkin too.  Considering the lack of time and energy devoted to Halloween, those pumpkins came in handy (because we had zero).   I did try to convince the boys that we didn't have to carve pumpkins.  Kevin was working and that is his thing (I'm the pumpkin carving photographer and wine drinker.  He's the pumpkin carving supervisor.).   
 They wouldn't hear of it.  So we carved pumpkins on Halloween... at 4:40.  The kids were great.  They couldn't wait to get in their costumes after dinner.

 Patrick did his own makeup.  Keith is stabbing himself with a pitch fork.  Lauren is making an elephant sound.  These kids make Halloween really fun.

Happy Halloween!