Yoga Pants

I swear my kids don't watch that much tv but it seems that the commercials stick with them.  In Keith's case he blends two commercials....

He then proceeds to tell me the following (in Keith volume *which is loud* in the middle of JoAnns on a Saturday): MOM, YOU NEED YOGA PANTS.  CUZ THEY DON'T RIDE UP!  YOU NEED THEM MOM, I THINK THEY DON'T RIDE UP.  (SINGING) THEY DON'T RIDE UP, THEY DON'T RIDE UP!  YOGA YOGA YOGA.  THEY DON'T RIDE UP!
YOU REALLY SHOULD GET THOSE YOGA PANTS THAT DON'T RIDE UP....... MOM, WHAT ARE YOGA PANTS?

A big confession

This is personal and embarrassing.  I've been keeping it a secret for a long time. 

I am completely lost in the vortex of twisted time lines, double-back track events, power melding script blah confusion that is Heroes.

I. Don't. Get. It.

Save the cheerleader....  I got that.  This, whatever "this" is, you lost me.

I am five weeks behind and hoping that NBC will cancel this show.  At least then there might be hope for some of the forever dangling plot threads to finally get tied up.  Please!  Cancel it!  If you don't, I am so tempted to just delete the episodes without watching them at all.   I am so confused!

Instead of "To Be Continued" at the end of EVERY episode how about "The End".  Okay, I don't really mean that, but if you let Peter's hair go anymore (back to) Flock of Seagulls, I'm out.

In the meantime, can someone call and explain the last two seasons to me.....  Among other things, where is Hiro and what is the point...... And I thought Carnivale was canceled.  What's with the traveling circus?  The music sound thing, why does this seem like it is never going to get resolved?

Parenting with Denis Leary

Today I convinced Patrick that the television was rotting his brain.....

Patrick: Please Mom, please can I watch one more show?

Bad Mommy: Oh my goodness Patrick don't move! (Slowly creep over and stare intently into his ear.)
Oh no, just what I thought. (Pause Pause) Hmmm.

Patrick: What Mom!?

Bad Mommy: Yep, I see brains leaking out. The television is starting to rot your brain. We should turn it off huh?

Patrick: Um. Okay.

I kept catching him sticking his finger in his ear and examining it. Everything we did for the rest of the day was his effort to counteract the brain rotting. Do you think I've scarred him for life (again)?

Say what?

Keith is talking a lot these days. Grandma Carolyn says he's a very good conversationalist. I understand about 37% of what he is saying and infer the rest.

This morning I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out why he was asking for batteries for his Tech Deck. Even Patrick (the resident translator) thought he was talking about batteries. BAH-BE! BAH-BE!

Eventually we figured it out, he wanted to watch his favorite Food Network star: Bobby Flay. Right now he's parked in his laundry basket (with Baby, Baa Baa, Bunny Bear and a silky) waiting out the Barefoot Contessa for promises of BOBBY (add a little jig).

Life change, just you wait.

It is Two for Thursday (pretend I started writing this on Tuesday). Or maybe it's BOGO. Whatever it is, I'm giving you two life changing items in one blog post.

1) A Basket, A Friend
The Market Basket changed my life.

My sister put the Market Basket on her Christmas list, my mom liked it so much she bought them for everyone. I would never pick this for myself, I would never put this on my Christmas list (my list included the Sex and the City movie (didn't get it), Seven jeans (didn't get them, thankfully since now that I look, I realize that I was asking for jeans that would have been 3 sizes too big), and a pasta machine-which I got and love. And I absolutely love this basket.

I get so many questions, comments and compliments about my basket. It is great. I use it almost every day.

On schooldays: I usually try to get things organized the night before. This is a good way to localize the chaos (permission slips, show & tell, checks, invites, thank-yous, silkies, tuition checks, etc.). In the morning, I put everything else in the basket, including my odds and ends (planner, cell phone, office keys, coffee). So, as I go about my leisurely morning I plunk more things into my basket (capacity 50 lbs., IMpressive).

Then at the end of the day all the (junk) that comes home from school (art projects, random one-eyed monster renderings, pennies, rocks, sweatshirts, gloves, hats, book orders) goes right in the basket. Then we add mail, stinky milk cups (from the leisurely breakfast the boys have in the car most mornings) and any other item that is trying to set up house in the vehicle of the day. Sometimes it still takes me two trips to unload the car, but this is down from four or five (and I used to give up and leave stuff behind). My cars are so neat!

Then it is Patrick's job (Keith usually helps, monkey see) to unload the basket while I make dinner. Listen to me: CHANGED MY LIFE.

Errands: I tend to be overly ambitious on the rare occasion I have time to run errands. So organization is critical to leveling my mediocrity. I always have something to return, a coupon I have to use, a fabric swatch to be matched and banking to do. As I build up to my errand running my basket serves as Org. Central. I know that I could just stick this all in my purse but I change purses almost every day AND the topless nature of the basket is helpful to remind me where to go next. I'm the one going around and around the roundabout at Riverpark trying to remember what comes next.

Garnet Hill and Sur La Table both carry the Market Tote. buy me, buy me, buy me.

2) An Advisor, A Friend.

The last time I mentioned a FREE and useful online resource that had changed my life the company soon started charging $10 per year for online access! Coincidence? I think not. So run and click on this FREE and useful online resource now. But first, the build-up...

Every Friday night at our house is movie night. Most weeks Patrick asks whether it is movie night, Every Night. Patrick and Keith have their own Netflix queue, reserved for kid-friendly Friday night movies. Maybe I'm overprotective (and proud of it, okay?) but I think a PG rating is an indicator of mild to serious inappropriate content. I don't have the time (or patience) to sort through the content. Lucky for me on one of my Netflix Kid Queue Quests I found COMMON SENSE

Common Sense Media is a non-profit organization dedicated to "improving kids' media lives." CSM provides reviews of family movies on Netflix. On the movie's Netflix page you will see the age in a colored bubble, you can click for more information including violence, language, sexual content, social behavior, even consumerism (yes please!).

On the CSM home page you can get information on movies, books, video games, TV, and music. At first I was excited about the quick and easy age selector. But it is the "Parents need to know" section that is the most informative. Then based on my kids (and my mood) I make a choice about the movie. CSM also provides "discussion topics" for families, which kind of feels like homework but okay whatever.

Patrick goes crazy when I say "butt" or "poop". He says a little prayer everytime someone on tv says "stupid". I love my innocent child who is four and half and doesn't need to see or hear things that are only appropriate for double-digit kids. Keith is 13 (learned how to ride the scooter today at Grandma Carolyn's) and he watches all of the versions of The Real Housewives and DVRs In Treatment.

WE'VE GONE GREEN!!! well yellowish green

As promised....our going green blog.

Despite what I said before, I really do love the Earth. If nothing else, God loaned it to us and we need to return it in the same or better condition when we are done. I just hate it when hypocritical people try to tell me what to do and how to do it. That being said, I ended my anti-save the Earth revolt pretty quickly.

I was busy working one day and watching bad television (shocking revelations up in here). Specifically, Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane. Geez even the title is annoying. She is so odd and unreal. Enough about her (really, enough, cancel that show, put me out of my misery). On this particular episode Kimora Lee Simmons gets her carbon footprint assessment. ***This is just the kind of stagey reality tv that annoys me (this reality show brought to you by SmartCAR).***You remember Little Ms. Carbon Footprint from the Al Gore hypocrisy. It is basically a report of your impact on our planet (Earth that is). Anyway, a few days later I decided to figure out what my carbon footprint was. It wasn't good. I got a recount, it still wasn't good. Near as I can tell most of my issues are due to: the size of my house, the diaper situation, and the amount of air travel I suffer through. I even took the challenge to reduce my footprint and guess what? There is no way to fully negate the effect of flying cross country 3 or 4 (okay 6) times a year. I could replace all of our light bulbs, shut down our garage fridge extravagance, and walk to work...Yep still a gigantic footprint.

There are certain trappings of motherhood that I like, my plus-sized SUV is one of them. I can bring home $354 worth of Costco purchases without rearranging anything. I can add extra kids to my haul without a second thought. AND the thing has an incredibly impressive turning radius. Plus it is paid for. We are seriously considering investing in a smaller more fuel efficient car to replace the truck. See, yellowish green. Score.


Kevin has become quite the Recycle Master, The King of Recycling....
The Recycle-nator. The City blessed us with a brand spanking new mixed recycling bin. In my head I call her Big Blue. The weeks that Kevin is in charge of garbage Big Blue is full and happy. I was so embarrassed the other week when it was clearly my garbage week (we don't assign weeks we just pitch in and the other person gets out of the way) since Big Blue was nearly empty. Every other week...SCORE


We are promoting the concept of conservation with Patrick. It is hard for me to believe that there may not be water automatically coming out of the faucet so it is definitely difficult for Patrick to grasp. We sing the Dan Zanes song a lot, Reduce Reuse Recycle. I am trying to teach him about buying locally grown food. What a drag, no imported out of season berries.

Some of this green movement is ridiculous to me. For example, throwing out all of your cleaning supplies, makeup, etc. in favor of green products. DUH! And some of it is confusing. For example, am I supposed to run the dishwasher or wash by hand? Should I buy the organic food transported from across the country or the local fertilized food? I need someone to take notes for me.

The Recycling King and I never had a conversation about trying to be kinder to the Earth. Even though we (okay, it is mostly me) are way above (okay, below) average with the footprint thing, we are making changes. Here is the biggest deal....we reduced our electric bill by 45%. Imagine if we actually knew how to work the programmable thermostat!

My Carbon Footprint is bigger than your Carbon Footprint!

Whatever Indeed!

It is season premiere time, we need to stay focused, hydrated and organized. Our DVR already boasts an insane amount of television that is backing up as I type. However, I have discovered a new favorite (a good thing). Whatever, Martha! is a hilarious half an hour of Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis and one of her friends mocking old school clips of Martha's show. In typical Martha fashion, she describes it as this on her blog:

"Inspired by the cult classic series "Mystery Science Theatre," Alexis and Jennifer analyze and make comments -- often acerbic ones -- about past episodes of my show. I think it's really quite humorous and amusing."

Quite....

At Serenity there are two camps: there are those of us (me and Patrick) who watched Martha Stewart's Bad Things, Good Things Halloween special three times this weekend and then there is Kevin.

Even Kevin thought Whatever Martha! was interesting, if not a train wreck. I have only watched one episode (Cigar Box Purse) and I give it my ringing endorsement. I am growing skeptical of so many of these so-called reality shows that are incredibly staged and scripted. So I suspect that much of the off-the-cuff content is Martha approved and some of it may even be made up. I still love it!

My favorite part of the Cigar Box Purse episode was Alexis stating that she is annoyed (and will continue to be until she is 60) by the fact that Martha (she calls her Martha) never gave her a pretty birthday party! No extravagant party just "oops I forgot your birthday, here's a pound cake and a pillar candle." Therapy much? How can you pass that up! Tuesdays 9:00 pm Fine Living Network. Totally worth a peek.

I haven't had a chance to read it but here is an article in New York Mag.