Funny things my kids do

 The transition back to school was a little rough on the boys.   After two weeks of playing together hour after hour, four days of separation was hard.  When they did have a few minutes together they alternated between enemies and BFFs.  Case in point, a few minutes to play before homework time and they start constructing Legos.... on the same chair, even though we have six, they share a chair. 

 Lauren rarely gets juice and if she does it's prune juice (no further explanation needed.).  This morning the baby also needs her prune juice.

All three kids are currently having a wild rumpus in Patrick's room.  At some point I need to break it up and get the day going.  For now I'm laughing at their interactions and happy that they all love being in the same place at the same time.

Jokey Jokester

Keith's morning comedic routine has three parts.

Part 1:  You are putting on his shoes and socks.  He quietly swipes a sock or a shoe and hides it under his leg.  Ever tried to hide an Ugg boot under your leg?  Doesn't work.  Still funny.

Part 2: On the way to Grandpa's house, at the same spot every day he shouts, "Hey! Mom! Yook at that!"
"What is it Keith?"
"Nofing!  I just kidding!  I made you yook."

Part 3: Chatting with Grandpa, mom is getting ready to leave. 
"Mom, I hafta tell you someting."  That means he needs to whisper in your ear.
"Grandpa spank my bottom!................................................................................ hee hee"
Last night this joke went the other way when Keith called Grandpa and reported that "Mama. Pank. My. Bottom."

All jokes until someone gets hurt. 

Poop is not funny.

There is nothing funny about poo.  So if you want funny go HERE or HERE.  We'll be talking about poop over here..... Enter at your own risk.

One day ten or so years from now, Keith is going to be very angry with me for sharing this with you.  I figure that at that time we will officially be even.

Keith has (and always has had) a serious poop issue.  We started buying diaper cream by the case when he was 4 months old.  Just the other day I had to use diaper cream on his bottom.... HE DOESN'T WEAR DIAPERS!!!!

Remember I told you about the Grosser than Gross with the crib and Pooplo Picasso?  What happened at Serenity today was so much worse.  I can't even begin to recount the inventory of all of the things that were destroyed.  I will say this: if he didn't have wood floors in his room we would be tearing out carpet.  for reals.

How much poop is too much poop?  When you are the mom of this charmer (his outfit, my cowboy boots)?  I think you know the answer.  This is post clean-up on our way out of the house to see Alvin and the Chipmunks.

I rarely take my kids to the movies so tonight we headed out in celebration of the Poopfest 2010.  They were excited, I was just hoping to forget.....  It worked. 


Triple bonus alert!  1) We got to see the movie.  2) The sound was messed up (not bad, it just switched lower than the usual eardrum busting level and some lady complained) so we got three free passes.  3) And then there was the trip to In N Out Burger. 
Patrick: Plain Hamburger with Grilled Onions AND a Chocolate Shake. 
Keith: Plain Cheeseburger AND a Strawberry Shake.
Meat-eating love.

They are both posing for these pictures.  And they both insisted on multiple takes.  DIVOS!

Good times.  Good times.

Burning down the house

If I have a hundred points of energy in any given day I would estimate that 75 points go directly to Keith Management and Discipline.  Tonight when I got home, I found my men happy and well-fed.  I also found various toys and accessories placed out of Keith's reach.  And it was reported that Keith was the recipient of no less than ten time-outs between the hours of 4:00 pm and 7:00 pm.   That's a lot of work! Bottom-line: no matter how many time-outs he is subject to the kid is still funny, dangerous but funny.  Read on.

He's taken to repeating himself three times whilst trying to get out of trouble.  It is usually something like: "Sorry, sorry, sorry." Punctuated by a hand to the face.

His brother taught him to bemoan the absent parent, friend, dog, relative, pumpkin, candy...... Last weekend while Kevin was at work Keith must have said, "I miss Daddy" at least once an hour.  He even said it in his sleep.  I would say save the drama but I guess I am his mama.  Boy that's a lot of drama for two boys.

We taught him how to say, "Yes Mom" or "Yes Dad" to indicate that he is listening to direction/admonishment/information.  He is very coach-able.  Problem is he gives his sweet "YES MOM" and then proceeds to do whatever he wants to do.

Ownership is so important when you are 2 1/2.  Dis my belt.  Dese my boots.  Dat my bike.  That's cool....the first 47 times, the last 120 times it is less amusing.

The other day I was sitting on the coach with him and he passed gas. Me:"Oh, that stinks!" Keith: "Dat me?  No, dat you!"

Not sure who taught him this one but he understands and happily utilizes the phrase: that's not fair.  He also likes to answer questions with the answer: because....

And finally, he loves to help out, especially in the kitchen.  The other day he was "helping" make apple cider, this help translated into putting on oven mitts (always about the accessories) and opening the oven.   The next morning after he "helped" me make blueberry muffins (dey yummy), the oven mitts were still in the oven.... unbeknowst to me.  Small fire, one Williams-Sonoma oven mitt was in fact injured in the production of the apple cider/muffins.  And a big fat: Yes Mom.  Followed by: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You're not really old...

Until you bookmark the Urban Dictionary.

Where else are you going to find the proper usage of "Facebrag"

To use Facebook as a platform to brag. Normally about a job, internship, trip, purchase or anything else that nobody really needs to know but you'd like to tell everyone because you're awesome.

Sample Facebook Status: Jane Stephens is headed to London with her new iPhone for her 2nd JOB INTERVIEW!!!!! :))))

"Hey, did you see Jane's newest Facebrag? Eesh."

Bad Mommy Status CONFIRMED

But I was provoked.... By a 21 month old....

Patrick: Mommy, this picture is for you.

It's an angry robot.

Me: Thanks.
Patrick: See it's angry.
Me: Why are you giving me the angry robot?
Patrick: Because you are always getting angry with Keith.

hmmm...... maybe I should take it down a notch or two..... maybe not?

seven and a half minutes later.....
Patrick (to Keith): Eww Keith are you all sweaty?

Problem, clearly a problem. Of course, I immediately assumed that the "sweat" was actually toilet water. Time for the worst case scenario handbook? Perhaps. Let's assess the situation...
Goggles? Check (for him not me)
Gooey Substance? Check
What is this stuff? (things I considered: lip gloss, super glue, bodily fluids, lotion, corn syrup, diaper cream...)

Do I dare smell this foreign substance? Well, of course. Smells clean. Clean and perfumy.
Take another look at the slicked down hair.... He was covered, head to toe in, hand soap.

But you really have to make sure you rub it in to get a proper lather.

The up-side (because Bad Mommy is inclusive of Lazy Mommy) he was pre-soaped for his bath. SWEET!

Enchiladas and Boom

Oh no! I lost my baby! Where has he gone? Have you seen him?
Peek-a-Boo!

My dad (gotta love him) always asks what the babies are doing and what the toddlers can say. He is around my kids plenty, he has seen them sign, heard them talk, and fully experienced their development. But he still asks, because... well that's just my dad. He likes to hear it explained to him to support his experience (you know I'm right). And he likes to ask questions that he knows the answers to. Anyway, this one is for my dad.

"What words can Keith say?" What can't he say? Here's a few of his favorite words:

1. Momma. Like every toddler, this word is used in many contexts. His father's favorite goes something like this: momma momma momma MOMMA
2. Outside. Isn't he brilliant with a side of OCD.
3. Stop. I like stop (or DOP if you are Keith), it is so much better than the dreaded NO. Keith usually directs it at the dogs.
   
4. Mine. But you knew that one.
5. Silky. Which is tricky because it sounds quite a bit like stinky. Which is another good word (potty training here we come).
6. Apple. We're in the car, there's an orange orchard (or two or sixteen) it goes like this: momma momma momma MOMMA APPLE!!!
7. Football. I really want this bedroom for Keith, he really wants this one. FOOTBALL!!!
8. Up-Down. Possibly the cutest thing he has been saying lately. He uses it when he wants to go upstairs or if he wants you to pick him up. He doesn't say it to have you put him down though, he prefers to just leap out of your arms.
   
9. And of course: Baby, Grandpa, Pop-Pop, Dog, Grandma
   
10. And for our Keith these are essentials: Ow, Hot, Boom and Uh-oh (although I have tried to explain that it isn't "uh-oh" if you do it on purpose.)

You may not think this is funny but someone found it amusing
Patrick's one man show is on the road, coming soon to a Target near you! The ladies think he's hilarious.
Show number one: Michael's After-Christmas Sale Dollar Bin Diving. "Hey Mom! The Cricut! Can we get it?"
Random Michael's Shopper: Seriously? Did he just ask for a Cricut? HAHAHAHAHA.

tip of the iceberg lady.

Show number two: Martin's After-Christmas Sale Much Admiring. "Hey Mom! It's an enchilada! It is beautiful, can we get it?"
ME: It isn't an enchilada, it's an artichoke and there are a million other things in this store I would buy before I bought a fake artichoke.
Random Martin's Shopper: Did he just call it an enchilada? How cute! HAHA.
ME: Yep, funny thing is he would eat an artichoke but he wouldn't touch an enchilada so....
RMS: HAHAHAHAHA
Patrick: Can we have sushi and artichokes for dinner and McDonald's for lunch?
RMS: Ha

Considering Adoption

Here it is.... the moment you have all been waiting for..... The Callahan Christmas Card Reveal......

WAIT.....THESE ARE NOT MY CHILDREN!

If you get a Christmas card with our return address but a card with the Kim children, I apologize. Send me a note and I will send you the photo card with the Callahan children. Or you can just keep the Kim's and better luck next year.

I needed a laugh tonight at 1:55 am (on a break from my work tasks) so thank you Pear Tree Greetings for sneaking Theo and Joelle into my life. I cracked up when I stuffed them in and immediately pulled them out of an envelope. I cracked up harder as I imagined Yulie Kim (God bless her) staring at pictures of Keith and Patrick.

And I watch The Office when I work so...

Kelly: Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela?
Angela: I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.

Word, Angela, word. I'm all about it.