Moments of brilliance

Strike that.... One moment of brilliance.  Singular.  We will see what today holds.

What should a mom with a sinus headache, an un-napped toddler, and a mischievous 6 year do while waiting for her eldest son to expand his artistic horizons?  GO TO THE MALL OF COURSE!  duh. 

Seriously, I started out thinking that it was the worst idea to try and cram shopping in with my littles in tow.  I almost turned around and walked back to the car.  But we rallied and actually had a good time.  Cookies and new sunglasses make everything better in Keith's world. 

Keith says I'm an awesome mom.  I couldn't understand Lauren because she was shoving a huge $2 (what?) cookie in her mouth.  COOKIES for EVERYONE (except Patrick because he is really the only one who is ever quiet and well-behaved.).

To Keith on your Sixth Birthday

Dear Keithy,

I am almost certain that every year I reflect on how enthusiastic you are about life.  I continue to be amazed by the way you light up the world. The minute you came into this world everything changed.  Even as a newborn baby, you were a beautiful being.  Your soul radiates through your smile and your eyes.  You are an incredibly handsome and charming boy.

This year has been an amazing year for you in so many ways.  When anyone comments on your growth and size you always attribute it to your time in Iowa last summer.  And boy that is the truth.  You are my rock, my brick.....  And you are learning to read.  Like a tidal wave you are suddenly there reading, writing, adding, and drawing.  Doing all of the things that seemed so far away last year.  You are a very smart little boy.

You love to love and you love to be loved.  Even on the roughest and toughest days when you and I never see eye-to-eye, after it is all said and done you whisper that you love me.  And I of course tell you I love you.  Because I do, no matter how frustrating and defiant you are, I love you with my entire being.

We've been talking a lot about 6.  You've been excited for your birthday for months. Perhaps it was that excitement that lead you to lose everything from your room and the privilege of having a birthday party.  You are exuberant and stubborn,  you know your way is right and you want to win.  I appreciate that quality in you but it makes parenting tough.  The amazing thing is that for all of our struggles, you have worked really hard to improve and do better.  You are ruled by your emotions (happy, sad, mad, whatever) and you are finally figuring out how to best express them.  YAY Keith!  I am so proud of you because you have come so far.

I've realized something about you this year.  No, I've finally owned something about you.  It's my much professed lament that you are so much like your daddy.  You look like him, you eat like him, you sleep like him, you joke like him, you obsess like him, you pout like him, you even memorize movie lines like him, you are just like him.    You are my little Kevin.  I finally realize what that means for me and I hope it will make me a better parent.  I will be your safe and happy place for as long as you ever want.

I love you Keith Fox.  Happy Birthday!  I know that this year will bring more amazing things your way. 

Love,
Mama Lou

Balance

At the beginning of my career, one of my mentors talked to me about balance.  She happened to be moving from a super high powered job to unemployment.  She claimed that she was going to find balance in her life.   I think she meant that she was going to do more than work, she was going to volunteer, get involved at church, spend time with her daughter, and garden.  It stayed with me.... balance....a new brass ring.  For the first time in over a decade, I've given up on balance.

 Balance is highly overrated.  Who needs it?  We can survive, thrive, and be incredibly happy without it.

My life is perfectly imbalanced.... look, three kids never balance out perfectly.  They pair up perfectly and always leave one person out.  Imbalanced as they happily play 2 and 1, never boring.  Up and down, there is never a balance. 

If balance is perfection and ease and symmetry, then I won't ever have it (and I finally don't want it).  I'm immersed in these kids all day, every day.  When my husband is home (and awake), I am immersed in him (alright, I'm immersed with him when he's at work and asleep too).  That's pretty much it, I don't have room for anything more.  I have fun now and again with a few close friends and my Junior League girls but my life is not balanced.

 My kids will get older and I will have room for more.  Kevin won't be working 7 days a week and I will have room for more.  My life is so full and out of balanced that I forget to worry about ME.  I forget to be frustrated.  I forget to feel sorry for myself (mostly).  I forget that I wanted balance.  

Instead of balance I have passion and that gets the job done.  I'm all in, absolutely no balance.