Pink of Perfection

Those of you who watched Hayley Mills in "Summer Magic" will recall the wonderful spontaneous duet the brother and sister sing about their snotty cousin.... Pink of Perfection. The cousin of course is not so perfect and has more issues than the New York Times. Here are the top ten reasons I know I am not the Pink of Perfection either.

1) I lose everything
It is a running joke among my staff. I was bragging about finally finding my work keys (MIA for a week and a half), the retort was: did you find all of the other things you lost? The jump drive, the blueteeth (the nice man at Verizon finally sold me the biggest bluetooth made so I can't lose a fourth bluetooth), the spare battery, the paycheck, the invoices....

2) I procrastinate
As I am writing this blog I am supposed to be writing a speech for the conference I am speaking at next week.

3) I have a blog series entitled "Bad Mommy" with several posts backed up (see #2)
Enough said.

4) I break things and drop things a lot...I'm clumsy
I had to get a helmet for my Blackberry it has been dropped so many times. Mind you this is my second Pearl, the first one was put out of its misery several months ago. The same nice man who sold me the gigantic bluetooth also sold me the Blackberry helmet. God bless him.

Two weeks ago Kevin cleaned out and rearranged the pantry, 34 minutes later I somehow managed to break a bottle of Bloody Mary Mix (that I insisted he save, see #6) all over the pantry. Who does that?

5) I bribe my children
Keith hasn't quite caught on to the process yet but Patrick is well-versed in the art of the Mommy Bribe. It was how I got him to cooperate for the haircut (reward: Happy Meal) and pet/touch the lamb (reward: cinnamon roll and playing).

6) I spend a lot of money on ridiculous things
And I take a lot of joy from it. I am an avid consumer and my life is complicated by too much stuff. I counted 14 boxes of Christmas decorations in our storage unit.... I am sure it is hereditary because I know my mother and sister have just as much Christmas stuff, probably more.

7) I have been compared to both Murphy Brown and Miranda Priestly
Murphy Brown for her penchant for cycling through assistants. Miranda Priestly for her inability to remember people's names and needing staff close by to prompt with names at functions. I think both characterizations are exaggerations....

8) I have been known to do to things out of spite
Last year when the networks (NBC I'm looking at you) were preaching about going green (in the middle of my primetime tv viewing! see #9), I found it so annoying I started my very own mini silent revolt against any efforts to save the Earth. It is resoundingly annoying that Network executives preach at me and my beloved Expedition when they fly empty jets across the country to pick-up sandwiches. Dang, now I am going to have to blog on going green....
9) I like to watch really bad tv
I don't drink (much), I don't smoke, tv is my drug of choice. If the CW wasn't free, I would pay a premium to watch the horrible acting and obvious storylines. The words "all-new reality series" is music to my ears.

10) I have a President Bush style attitude toward the news
He walks into the Oval Office in the morning, Bush said, and asks Card: "what's in the newspapers worth worrying about? I glance at the headlines just to kind of (get) a flavor of what's moving," Bush said. "I rarely read the stories," he said. Instead, the president continued, he gets "briefed by people who have probably read the news themselves."
I do read select articles on my daily scan of Rough & Tumble, other than that someone usually tells me the details beyond the pretty obvious headlines.

There you have it... my imperfection in black and white. The sad thing is I could have gone on with a list of 20.