Pooplo Picasso

CUTE AND DISGUSTING ALL IN ONE

What's grosser than gross?

ONE toddler with THREE dirty diapers in ONE hour.

What's grosser than that?

ONE toddler with ONE dirty diaper for THREE hours.

EWWW! And this is half -way through clean up... enjoy.

The Pokemon Prayer

PATRICK:
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the apples. They are very good and I know that they are healthy and good for me.

Jesus, please have the Easter Bunny bring me Pokemon. I really really want a whole bunch and I will keep them in a ziploc bag. Jack, he's my cousin, has Pokemon and we have fun playing. Please Jesus, please let the Easter Bunny know that I want a red one.

ME: Why don't we find something more to thank God for....

PATRICK: Thank you for Bear-Bear (the only stuffed bear on the block who is 14, born on August 16th and recently married his mother--but it was a really fun wedding), AMEN.

Editors notes:
This prayer can also be applied to request for Bakugan which is what Jack actually has, although I don't care to know the difference at this point.

I told Patrick I wasn't even going to entertain the request (let alone buy these things) before he learns how to read the cards that come with the toys. It was of course at that point that he moved onto working the Jesus angle.

Life change, just you wait.

It is Two for Thursday (pretend I started writing this on Tuesday). Or maybe it's BOGO. Whatever it is, I'm giving you two life changing items in one blog post.

1) A Basket, A Friend
The Market Basket changed my life.

My sister put the Market Basket on her Christmas list, my mom liked it so much she bought them for everyone. I would never pick this for myself, I would never put this on my Christmas list (my list included the Sex and the City movie (didn't get it), Seven jeans (didn't get them, thankfully since now that I look, I realize that I was asking for jeans that would have been 3 sizes too big), and a pasta machine-which I got and love. And I absolutely love this basket.

I get so many questions, comments and compliments about my basket. It is great. I use it almost every day.

On schooldays: I usually try to get things organized the night before. This is a good way to localize the chaos (permission slips, show & tell, checks, invites, thank-yous, silkies, tuition checks, etc.). In the morning, I put everything else in the basket, including my odds and ends (planner, cell phone, office keys, coffee). So, as I go about my leisurely morning I plunk more things into my basket (capacity 50 lbs., IMpressive).

Then at the end of the day all the (junk) that comes home from school (art projects, random one-eyed monster renderings, pennies, rocks, sweatshirts, gloves, hats, book orders) goes right in the basket. Then we add mail, stinky milk cups (from the leisurely breakfast the boys have in the car most mornings) and any other item that is trying to set up house in the vehicle of the day. Sometimes it still takes me two trips to unload the car, but this is down from four or five (and I used to give up and leave stuff behind). My cars are so neat!

Then it is Patrick's job (Keith usually helps, monkey see) to unload the basket while I make dinner. Listen to me: CHANGED MY LIFE.

Errands: I tend to be overly ambitious on the rare occasion I have time to run errands. So organization is critical to leveling my mediocrity. I always have something to return, a coupon I have to use, a fabric swatch to be matched and banking to do. As I build up to my errand running my basket serves as Org. Central. I know that I could just stick this all in my purse but I change purses almost every day AND the topless nature of the basket is helpful to remind me where to go next. I'm the one going around and around the roundabout at Riverpark trying to remember what comes next.

Garnet Hill and Sur La Table both carry the Market Tote. buy me, buy me, buy me.

2) An Advisor, A Friend.

The last time I mentioned a FREE and useful online resource that had changed my life the company soon started charging $10 per year for online access! Coincidence? I think not. So run and click on this FREE and useful online resource now. But first, the build-up...

Every Friday night at our house is movie night. Most weeks Patrick asks whether it is movie night, Every Night. Patrick and Keith have their own Netflix queue, reserved for kid-friendly Friday night movies. Maybe I'm overprotective (and proud of it, okay?) but I think a PG rating is an indicator of mild to serious inappropriate content. I don't have the time (or patience) to sort through the content. Lucky for me on one of my Netflix Kid Queue Quests I found COMMON SENSE

Common Sense Media is a non-profit organization dedicated to "improving kids' media lives." CSM provides reviews of family movies on Netflix. On the movie's Netflix page you will see the age in a colored bubble, you can click for more information including violence, language, sexual content, social behavior, even consumerism (yes please!).

On the CSM home page you can get information on movies, books, video games, TV, and music. At first I was excited about the quick and easy age selector. But it is the "Parents need to know" section that is the most informative. Then based on my kids (and my mood) I make a choice about the movie. CSM also provides "discussion topics" for families, which kind of feels like homework but okay whatever.

Patrick goes crazy when I say "butt" or "poop". He says a little prayer everytime someone on tv says "stupid". I love my innocent child who is four and half and doesn't need to see or hear things that are only appropriate for double-digit kids. Keith is 13 (learned how to ride the scooter today at Grandma Carolyn's) and he watches all of the versions of The Real Housewives and DVRs In Treatment.

Tempting, oh so tempting

I've mentioned that Patrick is highly susceptible to the messages sent over the talking picture box. Really, he buys into it all. Billy Mays is a hero in our house.I am constantly running to the phone to order ShamWows! and Perfect Caulk. What can I say, it makes Patrick and Kevin happy. They can SHAMWOW back and forth for hours.

The latest thing that we saw on tv and HAVE TO HAVE? The amazing Snuggie of course. Does anyone own one of these? Patrick NEEDS the Snuggie because he "needs to be able to use his hands and the blanket just falls off." I considered it, I did.

The person who really needs the Snuggie? Keith. Or me, so I don't have to re-blanket Keith every time his perfect cocoon slides off. Buy one get one free! Maybe the Easter Bunny will be generous this year.

The Year Without Costco... Kind Of

Just in case you were wondering, all of my crazy ideas originate from npr . The Year Without Costco was no different.

I can't remember when I heard the story or exactly what the point was but somewhere out there, there is a (crazy) couple who only shops once a year. ONCE A YEAR! For everything from toilet paper to birthday presents. Do you hear that sound? It's Me, gasping in shock and horror. It is the same sound I made a year ago when I was closing out our 2007 finances and realized how much money we spent at Costco in '07.

Quite possibly a car payment....

I quickly cross-referenced this catastrophe with my npr files and ran a search on my known resources and came up with a serviceable solution.... the biggest problem with the Costco price tag is not the things we need from Costco, it is the things we pick up when we go to buy the things we need. The artichoke dip that jumps into the cart. The sweat suit that hangs off the side. The vat of nacho cheese.... just kidding, I'm over that phase of my life.

So if we can limit our trips to Costco to ONE, then we can limit our annual Costco bill. And as an added bonus we have a few hundred dollars in Costco rebates to defer the cost of this ONE shopping trip.

I don't have any idea how the people who shop for everything only once per year do it but this is what we had to do in preparation for our one Costco trip.

1. Figure out storage. Luckily we have three refrigerators and a decent amount of storage in the garage. We also cleaned and rearranged the pantry to free up shelf space.
2. Make a list (Stage One). We had to figure out what the shelf stable staples we needed for the year. paper towels, baby wipes, dish soap, garbage bags.....
3. Make a list (Stage Two). Figuring out how many rolls of toilet paper your family uses is the calculation that will make your head spin.
4. Wait for Rebate Check. tick-tock tick-tock
5. Get to shopping!

We spent $261 out of pocket in our Year Without Costco Trip 2008. We also made several mistakes....

1. We took the boys with us, late in the evening. We needed at least two flat beds but instead had one flatbed and one cart. By the end of the trip we were just trying to survive, let alone think about how many whatever's we needed to get through until whenever.
   
2. We underestimated in a number of areas, mostly paper products. We have had to supplement paper towels at least twice.
   
3. Some things just aren't made to stay on the shelf for a year, including condiments.
   

And despite my vow to not step into a Costco in 2008... well, that didn't work out so well. In 2007 we made 12 trips to Costco, in 2008 we made 6. To add insult to injury, most of the six trips were significantly more expensive... almost $100 more each trip on average. Overall, we spent less, but you know, that's not saying much.

This year our Costco rebate is significantly more. I'm voting to use the money to replace the flat screen in our bedroom with a bigger one. Kevin says, "We'll see."

He is the one who wants a new tv, I think he really enjoyed the Year Without Costco Trip and wants a repeat performance. He loves a challenge.

I hearby declare that I am incapable of saving money. I also accept the fact that Costco is a fact of life and as much as I hate the place, I'm an American who needs her big box stores (BAD). And I don't know why I am picking on Costco, the real problem is Target. Love you, hate you, bye.

Never go on trips with anyone you don't love

That's my man Hemingway.

Lately? I've been around the world and I, I, I.... Usually I don't see traveling as a good way to spend my free time. It isn't that I don't like to travel, I just don't want to spend another 6 hours in the car and/or airport. And I tend to need as much time at home as possible when travel is crazing (you like that?) up my life.

This Saturday I had a speaking engagement (for work, on a Saturday, that also happened to be Valentine's Day) so I decided to make it worth my while and bring everyone with. Patrick was so excited you would have thought he had been offered a trip to Disneyland.

I needed to get away. I needed to order room service and go to bed early. I needed to see the City. I needed to contemplate a public organized pillow fight.

The absolute best part of the trip? We walked from North Beach to Pier 39, and on our way we found a lovely hat shop. And we got our portion of the stimulus package pay-out in hat discounts! The shop had all the hats 44% off in honor of our 44th president!

Kevin and Patrick both got hats. Patrick's has a karate kid on it.... cute yes, but check out my hot husband. I love him in that hat. Happy Valentine's Day.

If you look closely at Patrick's face it looks like he has chocolate on his cheek. It is actually balsamic vinegar. He ate bread with olive oil and balsamic for lunch. Because traveling is about eating, sleeping and shopping (usually in that order). After eating and shopping, we walked. Then we rested. Look at these boys, lap of luxury I tell you.



Directly from the only in San Francisco files, Keith and I ran right into the San Francisco Valentine's Day pillow fight. At 6:00 pm, a mob descends, pillows in hand to beat friends and strangers alike with pillows. It was quite the scene. Keith thought the flying feathers were hilarious. In the morning we watched the clean-up from the hotel. White feathers littered the grass like a light blanket of snow. Piles of feathers had been swept into perfect mounds. The big job remained: the pillows and feathers abandoned in the fountain. As the crew of four took care of business, three of the four watched as the crew leader pulled a pillow out of the fountain. He looked like he was lifting a bag of cement, not a feather pillow. Which might just be the most precise metaphor for my life right now. So thank you San Francisco, I needed that.

This may surprise you

Mom in 1979

The Fox Family

I was 8, my sister was 10, my mother declared that she hates surprise parties. I suppose that she is willing to participate in the surprising but she NEVER wants to be surprised (ever, and don't let your dad even try it). This weekend (23 years later) we exploited the Surprise Party Loophole.

Our mother turned 60 on Friday and one of her sisters, Susan decided that the best way to celebrate was to fly out from Virginia to surprise her. AND my grandma was going to fly out from Iowa. Then it was pile on from there because that is just how we roll, no one wants to miss out. Sharon came from Colorado and our Aunt Bev from Concord... party on.

Surprise Aunt Bev is here!

SURPRISE! GRANDMA IS HERE! you can start crying now.

How to surprise a person who doesn't like surprises and has issues with control:

Rule #1: Start with a grain of truth. She knew we were having family dinner on Friday and an Open House on Saturday. She knew that she wasn't supposed to get involved. That is all she knew.

Rule #2: Don't tell her friends anything. I had to hold my tongue on several occasions but it was worth it. We all know Barb can't keep a secret.

Rule #3: Limit the information that you give your brothers. My first choice: give your brothers no information. That way your sister won't have to have a conversation with your brother Robby like this: "Won't she be suspicious?" That was in reference to whether or not he should clean up his room on Thursday night. And of course while my mom was standing right there.

Rule #4: Make sure your sister is as bossy and organized as possible...then you just have to smile and wave.

Rule #5: Keep the surprises coming. I have never seen my mom as excited as she was when she opened her Nintendo Wii and Wii Fit.

Rule #6: Anticipate some last minute anxiety. My mom was calling her mother to make sure she was still in Iowa the day before her birthday.

Aunt Susan, Grandma Keith, Mom and Aunt Sharon

We had a really great weekend. Mom was happier about turning 60 than she has been about any birthday (sorry, this isn't happening every year). We told Dad that we are only planning a 70th for him in conjunction with his retirement party, so that ain't happening.