Moments of brilliance

Strike that.... One moment of brilliance.  Singular.  We will see what today holds.

What should a mom with a sinus headache, an un-napped toddler, and a mischievous 6 year do while waiting for her eldest son to expand his artistic horizons?  GO TO THE MALL OF COURSE!  duh. 

Seriously, I started out thinking that it was the worst idea to try and cram shopping in with my littles in tow.  I almost turned around and walked back to the car.  But we rallied and actually had a good time.  Cookies and new sunglasses make everything better in Keith's world. 

Keith says I'm an awesome mom.  I couldn't understand Lauren because she was shoving a huge $2 (what?) cookie in her mouth.  COOKIES for EVERYONE (except Patrick because he is really the only one who is ever quiet and well-behaved.).

To Keith on your Sixth Birthday

Dear Keithy,

I am almost certain that every year I reflect on how enthusiastic you are about life.  I continue to be amazed by the way you light up the world. The minute you came into this world everything changed.  Even as a newborn baby, you were a beautiful being.  Your soul radiates through your smile and your eyes.  You are an incredibly handsome and charming boy.

This year has been an amazing year for you in so many ways.  When anyone comments on your growth and size you always attribute it to your time in Iowa last summer.  And boy that is the truth.  You are my rock, my brick.....  And you are learning to read.  Like a tidal wave you are suddenly there reading, writing, adding, and drawing.  Doing all of the things that seemed so far away last year.  You are a very smart little boy.

You love to love and you love to be loved.  Even on the roughest and toughest days when you and I never see eye-to-eye, after it is all said and done you whisper that you love me.  And I of course tell you I love you.  Because I do, no matter how frustrating and defiant you are, I love you with my entire being.

We've been talking a lot about 6.  You've been excited for your birthday for months. Perhaps it was that excitement that lead you to lose everything from your room and the privilege of having a birthday party.  You are exuberant and stubborn,  you know your way is right and you want to win.  I appreciate that quality in you but it makes parenting tough.  The amazing thing is that for all of our struggles, you have worked really hard to improve and do better.  You are ruled by your emotions (happy, sad, mad, whatever) and you are finally figuring out how to best express them.  YAY Keith!  I am so proud of you because you have come so far.

I've realized something about you this year.  No, I've finally owned something about you.  It's my much professed lament that you are so much like your daddy.  You look like him, you eat like him, you sleep like him, you joke like him, you obsess like him, you pout like him, you even memorize movie lines like him, you are just like him.    You are my little Kevin.  I finally realize what that means for me and I hope it will make me a better parent.  I will be your safe and happy place for as long as you ever want.

I love you Keith Fox.  Happy Birthday!  I know that this year will bring more amazing things your way. 

Love,
Mama Lou

Balance

At the beginning of my career, one of my mentors talked to me about balance.  She happened to be moving from a super high powered job to unemployment.  She claimed that she was going to find balance in her life.   I think she meant that she was going to do more than work, she was going to volunteer, get involved at church, spend time with her daughter, and garden.  It stayed with me.... balance....a new brass ring.  For the first time in over a decade, I've given up on balance.

 Balance is highly overrated.  Who needs it?  We can survive, thrive, and be incredibly happy without it.

My life is perfectly imbalanced.... look, three kids never balance out perfectly.  They pair up perfectly and always leave one person out.  Imbalanced as they happily play 2 and 1, never boring.  Up and down, there is never a balance. 

If balance is perfection and ease and symmetry, then I won't ever have it (and I finally don't want it).  I'm immersed in these kids all day, every day.  When my husband is home (and awake), I am immersed in him (alright, I'm immersed with him when he's at work and asleep too).  That's pretty much it, I don't have room for anything more.  I have fun now and again with a few close friends and my Junior League girls but my life is not balanced.

 My kids will get older and I will have room for more.  Kevin won't be working 7 days a week and I will have room for more.  My life is so full and out of balanced that I forget to worry about ME.  I forget to be frustrated.  I forget to feel sorry for myself (mostly).  I forget that I wanted balance.  

Instead of balance I have passion and that gets the job done.  I'm all in, absolutely no balance. 

Happy Easter

 Can you stand it?  They are so beautiful! 
Even when they aren't in their Sunday best....

Lauren- Nightgown and Motorcycle Gear!

Patrick asked if they could wake up and dye eggs right away in their pjs.  So that's what we did!

Notes to the Easter bunny.  Lauren is totally missing pants in this photo!

Spring Break 2013 Part 1

I love Spring Break.  It is such a promise that Summer Vacation is just around the corner, preening and getting all fabulous for us.  We are trying to make the most of the short time we have off (even if we are also wishing that Kevin wasn't working EVERY day.  He's a super trooper).

We have spent most of our break outside planting.  Planting flowers and veggies in perfect Spring Break weather.

Now that the seeds are in the ground we are working on our To-Do list (and cleaning up toddler pee).  Sorting Legos, cleaning closets, doing all of the things that have been on the list too long.

There has also been quite a bit of sleeping in and tv watching.  AND I took the boys to see OZ and Kev took them to see The Croods.  We don't go to movies very often so two movies in one week is pretty special. 

Now for some playdates and figuring out how to help the Easter Bunny finish filling baskets.

Things she says.

A few months ago my toddler was all but mute.

Now she's gone from mute to the great communicator.   Right now I can hear her talking to her baby dolls in bed, this has been going on for an hour.  Here are a few of her oft-used phrases.

1) No cart Mom!  No pants Mom!  with violent finger wag (she prefers walking and skirts/tutus)

2) Really, Mom?  Really?

3) What we doing here?

4) I need to tell you someting. 

5) Turn Raffi youder pease Mom.

6) I YIKE it!  MMM dis good.  (she is generally very positive about food)

File it under "B" for "Bad Mommy"

Yesterday I lost Patrick.  For 3.35 horrifying minutes, I didn't know where my kid was.  I was 22 seconds away from calling Fresno PD and 8 seconds away from sheer and utter terror.

He was a few seconds closer to terror than I was because he couldn't find me where he thought I should be.  A simple miscommunication about pick-up had us on opposite sides of the building after art class.  He was a few seconds closer to sheer and utter terror and cried almost the entire way home.  He lost his mom.

Patrick spends most of his time with his face two inches away from a sketch pad or a thick novel.  He tends to miss things because he is in his own world.  But he has always been the kind of kid who stayed close, tethered to me by an invisible cord that only reaches so far (I know, the cord right?).  He's never been lost before.  Not like my Keith or my brother Robby who have both been lost in WalMart with the same panicky reaction.

three short minutes.   I became the worst-case scenario mom for three heart-wrenching minutes (kidnapped, he was kidnapped).   I totally could have strangled and hugged him when his little face came through the crowd toward us.  I just hugged him instead. 

He knew the safety procedures (kick, scream, yell), he was headed back to his class to a safe person, his teacher.  He remembered my cell phone number. 

It was just a misunderstanding.... Let's not do that again.