Welcome to my identity crisis.... dramatic much?
This week I sent an email to 70 colleagues. I wrote to let them know that I was not returning to my job as Executive Director of the organization I founded five years ago. I wrote to let them know that after decades of pouring my heart and soul into the youth of California, it is time for me to focus on the kids that God holds me accountable for.
Done. Defeated. Happy. Sad. Relieved. Torn. I will be honest, when I am alone with my thoughts, sometimes it feels like a loss.
I used to rule the world.....
But more often, it feels like this.... BLINK
The email was the culmination of 20 months of struggling and praying and pouting and discussing and finally giving in. God opened my eyes to my opportunity, my personal mission. The opportunity to be the best wife and mother possible. To have the chance to change the world for the better.
I know that there are a lot of excellent mothers out there who work full-time. In fact, I would argue that I was a pretty excellent mother. But our lifestyle is different for a lot of reasons that I won't go into. Frankly, I wanted something different. This is me, the me that I never suspected I would be.... ever. I don't know you, you have to figure out you.
and today.... today I am the happiest I have been in years.
In all honesty, my identity is shaken. What clothes should I buy? Who are my friends? What do I do with my time? If I'm not rushed and crazed mom, what kind of mom am I? So much of my life revolved around work. Now what?
I'm not really sure. We are still trying to figure it all out. The best thing about this transition is the amount of time Kevin and I get to spend together. We have lots of face-time to communicate and figure out what all of this means.
This much is certain. This is a great job. This is a full-time job. And I love it.
We may not have forever, but we have now. Now makes a lasting impact on little lives. Now always shapes tomorrow (even when we aren't paying attention or worse rushing through it). Now is our hope.
So long....
Hello!
1 comment:
This post makes my heart happy!
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