That Boy

Sixteen years ago, I met a boy.  He was just finishing up the police academy and he wanted nothing more in his life than graduate from the academy and become a cop.  This is not that boy.... that boy graduated from the academy and went down a different path and became the phenomenal man pictured above.  He married me, earned a bachelors degree, became a father, turned out to be a darn fine police officer, earned a masters degree, and went back to the academy.  

Life has a circular nature.  Sometimes the roundness of life is disconcerting, other times it is comforting.  In this case it is immensely rewarding.

Kevin went back to the Police Academy this fall as a Recruit Training Officer (RTO).  His job is to mentor, encourage, discipline, cajole, evaluate, and support the police cadets.  He's an awesome cop, but he absolutely shines as an RTO.  And he is doing this in addition to his regular job!

Two weeks ago the kids and I attended the academy graduation and then Kevin and I went to the celebration banquet that night.  I love this picture because at that moment I saw my husband through new eyes.

He gave a speech at the banquet, an unscripted speech and he totally rocked it.  If you knew that boy, you would be surprised that he could get up in front of hundreds of people and give a speech.  He's not that boy, he's this man who gives out his cell phone number to two dozen recent cadets. He's this man who teaches and leads.  He's this man who makes a difference in the lives of these future cops and that makes a HUGE difference in our world.

  

And he makes a huge difference in my own little world.  He will return as an RTO for the next class and we may not see him much but we sure are proud of him. 

Over-employed

Today I taught Lauren the sign for work.

Source:Lifeprint.com

Lauren doesn't say much but she does say, "Where Dada? He gone."  This morning, after working  many days without a day off, Kevin overslept.  Going between night shift and day shift, some days without an actual break in between (that's 24 hour shifts), and today was the first day he overslept.  I doubt he was late to work, he just got there 20 minutes later than his regular early time.  

So the kids saw Kevin this morning for a few minutes (which is unusual) and then Lauren started with the question.  She thinks she's funny so at first she was pretending that he was sleeping, shushing her brothers.  "Where Dada?  SHSHSHSHSH!"  But she's a quick study and I don't know why I hadn't taught her the sign before (except that I am pretty slow on the uptake).

I am so grateful that Kevin is over-employed and happy to take care of and provide for his family.  If hard work was easy, they would call it easy work.  We make lots of sacrifices and we will reap the benefits at some point.  Until then the limited time we have together is cherished.  We are blessed.

Untitled

Working Title: The ellipsis
Welcome to my identity crisis.... dramatic much?


This week I sent an email to 70 colleagues.  I wrote to let them know that I was not returning to my job as Executive Director of the organization I founded five years ago.  I wrote to let them know that after decades of pouring my heart and soul into the youth of California, it is time for me to focus on the kids that God holds me accountable for. 

Done. Defeated.  Happy. Sad. Relieved.  Torn. I will be honest, when I am alone with my thoughts, sometimes it feels like a loss.

I used to rule the world.....

But more often, it feels like this....  BLINK





The email was the culmination of 20 months of struggling and praying and pouting and discussing and finally giving in.  God opened my eyes to my opportunity, my personal mission.  The opportunity to be the best wife and mother possible.  To have the chance to change the world for the better. 

I know that there are a lot of excellent mothers out there who work full-time.  In fact, I would argue that I was a pretty excellent mother.  But our lifestyle is different for a lot of reasons that I won't go into.  Frankly, I wanted something different.  This is me, the me that I never suspected I would be.... ever.  I don't know you, you have to figure out you.

and today.... today I am the happiest I have been in years.

In all honesty, my identity is shaken.  What clothes should I buy?  Who are my friends? What do I do with my time? If I'm not rushed and crazed mom, what kind of mom am I?  So much of my life revolved around work.  Now what?

I'm not really sure.   We are still trying to figure it all out.  The best thing about this transition is the amount of time Kevin and I get to spend together.  We have lots of face-time to communicate and figure out what all of this means. 

This much is certain.  This is a great job.  This is a full-time job.  And I love it.

We may not have forever, but we have now.  Now makes a lasting impact on little lives.  Now always shapes tomorrow (even when we aren't paying attention or worse rushing through it).  Now is our hope.

So long....

Hello!

Why I do what I do.

A little slice of heaven, children engaged, confident, expressing themselves..... Pay particular attention to the boys, FIFTH GRADE BOYS. The boy in the white t-shirt behind the soloist is my fav.

These kids have been all over the place. You can also see Nightline's story here.

PS 22 Choir also has a blog.

A nice reminder.